Yesterday was a good day. Sweet M* came home with two good day tickets that he was very proud of and I was relieved that there was no more hitting or embarrassment etc... from getting in trouble the day prior. Phew!
But, because I was the one who had to put him down for nap we had a repeat where he woke up with wet pants after nap. The bed (again) was not wet. When I try to wash him off in the shower he freaks out and is deathly afraid of the shower head. It is really odd. I was very patient and empathetic. I showed him how to turn the shower on and that I was not doing that so there was no way water was going to get him. (Keep in mind he loves water and takes showers all of the time???). He said that he had a bad dream and he was scared but doesn't say anymore.
I just was very loving and warm towards him. Took it slow and sort of babied him and he finally came out of it and had a great night after that.
I think that some of us really get caught up in what the professionals have to say. At least I did. It is a scary scary world and I think they see a lot of hopeless cases. However, I am so lucky that I had an amazing friend who sent me some pages from one of the Beyond Consequences books. It really resonated with me and when we were looking into disruption/ re-homing our son this phrase helped us turn it all around.
It basically said that we don't need to fear our children. That they are acting in this survival mode. It may look like they are dangerous and incapable of love. But, as parents we might see things that the professionals don't... glimmers of our child's true self. That is the Sweet M* I am honing in on. That is my son. The rest I feel like is my trauma boy just trying to live through another day.