So, yesterday I picked Sweet M* up from school. I have not done this in awhile (since the aggressive behavior) bc hubby was doing everything with M until things settled down again. So, even though I have picked him up before this was a minor change. He was a little testy walking home and then after his snack when he knew that nap was next he started the disrespectful behavior. However, this time I swooped him up and told him I loved him and when he woke up from nap I would still be here.
I was feeding the emotional need and not the form he was using to communicate it. He flailed a little... tried to pull my hair but pretty quickly settled in and snuggled me. I kissed him and asked him to go lay down upstairs. I wasn't planning on taking him up bc he REALLY struggles with needing to say good night or good bye to me and when he gets in his bed it is always bad. But, he asked me if I would tuck him in. I first reminded him that I wasn't sure he could handle it (this is a way that helps him control himself... a RAD always thinks they are strong enough so I knew he would try and prove me wrong) and he assured me he could and we walked upstairs. Of course when I tucked him in he was extra hyper, and loud, he yelled at me as I left (just nonsense jibber jabber but in a disrespectful manner) and walked down stairs. But, he did not get out of bed to chase me down the stairs. He stayed put and shortly after was quiet. I was pretty proud of myself since I kept it all together and I did not let him get into rage mode.
But, he woke up early from nap and came downstairs. He sat down had a drink and than told me he was wet. He had peed all over himself and the chair. I told him it was okay and took him upstairs to wash him up. But, he went into a catatonic diss associative state the second he entered the shower. He was screaming staring at the shower head (which he is never afraid of) and I realized he would not look at me. I kept saying his name over and over and lightly put me hands on the tops of his shoulders. I told him I loved him and asked him what was wrong. He said he was scared but didn't know why.
After the shower he got dressed and then he started weeping. He said he had a bad dream that he could not live in our family anymore. I re-assured him that he was staying and that I loved him and he was safe. I got him a snack and he worked on some homework. He stayed in a somber mood for about an hour. And, than he finally came out of it.
However, this morning I feel some of the after math. He is extra hyper, asking for things he knows are off limits and testing boundaries. You can literally feel the heaviness of his emotions when he is like this. You just know something (anything) is going to set him off and it feels like you are walking on eggshells. Hopefully, some extra snuggles and love and reassurance tonight mixed with some boundaries to make him feel safe will knock this mood away.
For the count: Tuesday= good, Wed= good, Thurs= sadness/ bad dream/ pee & Fri= is off to a rough start but hopefully he can pull out of it and have a good weekend.
In case you have not had the chance to read this blog post and you are struggling after coming home please do. I received it from several friends this week and it really helped me.