Saturday, September 10, 2011

Still down in the trenches...

This morning again Sweet M* was struggling. He' is having trouble in the morning before school. He stresses about not having enough time to do things in the am before needing to leave, and, he is concerned about what everyone else is doing. The concern here for him is that he feels like he is going to get the short end of the stick. For example if Belle asks to play on the computer he cries bc he wanted to do that (even though he was busy playing something else previously and never asked), and know she took that opportunity from him. When we try and explain that he still has an hour before school and we will set a timer for 10 minutes and they will take turns he just DOES NOT BELIEVE US.

It is the victim complex. He always believes (and really intrinsically believes) that we are going to screw him. He is not going to get (enter anything here). We try to serve his food first or hand him the first of whatever it is but it is so engrained inside him that we can't seem to help him shake it.

The hard day continued when I picked him up from school. Once again he was fine until it was time to nap. I saw it coming and scooped him up to draw him closer. He screamed and cried. Got extremely defiant and in to the mode where he has to say nasty things to push me away. I was calm... I continued to tell him I loved him and that he was safe. I told him I was strong enough for his pain and sadness and he could just go ahead and get it all out.

After screaming he started to weep and then fell asleep as I rocked him in the rocking chair. He woke up in a decent mood and was fine through dinner (although pretty high strung). And, then we left for church. My aunt and cousin had invited me to a healing mass and I wanted to bring Sweet M*. The service was long and M* was very defiant inside the church. I could tell he was uncomfortable and so the behaviors started. Acting like things were hurting him... they weren't, trying to kick the pew and wipe spit on the benches, trying to take off his shoes, kick the books and tear the pages in the books. Finally, after many attempts on my part I decided it was best if I took him outside. The second the doors closed behind us the flood gates were open and the tears poured out. He screamed and cried, kicked his shoes off tried blowing snot out of his nose so he could wipe it on me etc... But, again I was calm. I repeated that we loved him and that his whole family loved him, and that Jesus and GOD loved him too. After about 15 minutes he calmed down. I made a compromise and told him that if he could be respectful for the remaining time I would allow him to color in the car on the way home. He pulled himself together and made it through the remainder of church... even the blessing (although I had a lot of reassuring to do since some of the people lay down after receiving their blessing and he thought they died- YIKES!).

I hope that by being better servants and making church a higher priority Sweet M* will hear the words of our LORD and his little heart will once again be filled with LOVE instead of FEAR.


Molly said...

I just wanted to de-lurk to say that your family is in our prayers, and in everyone else's that I can pull together. I can't imagine how difficult this must be on all of you right now, and you still have such an amazing attitude. I hope he makes progress, one small, permanent step at a time. Hang in there.

Amber said...

Thank you Molly