Friday, August 7, 2009

Some Random Thoughts...

This picture has nothing to do with my post.
I just like the colorspash app. way too much on my iphone :)

I have some stuff I want to talk about so here goes... I really feel like adoption is a lot like pregnancy except only to me and my husband and not the rest of the world.

Like right now I feel like I am at the stage where I just found out that I am pregnant. You know the excitement, joy, etc... You start thinking about the future, looking at the calendar trying to figure out when you are going to meet them, what they will look like, if you can love them as much as the children you already have.

It is interesting because we announced to our family back in May that we were planning on adopting. We received a couple (literally we have a ton of fam and friends and I think maybe 2) emails, phone calls with excitement but mostly silence. I think people don't understand why we would adopt when we have already had three children. And, we have boys and a girl so we aren't doing it to get a certain gender etc... I know that if we had told them we were pregnant it would have been a whole different story. It seems to get even quieter when they learn that we are adopting from Ethiopia.

Anyhoo, we keep going through the process (which hasn't been very eventful yet) and we try to talk about it sometimes with the silent ones... but nothing. I have been okay with it but as we are nearing being done with paperwork and moving on to the waiting I feel like I am sad that there is no excitement. With my agency they said plan on a 1-10 month wait once your dossier is completed. I am almost done with the paperwork and then I figure I just have to wait (just like pregnancy) to at least see the face of my sweet new little boy. I had to wait with the other 3 for nine months so I can do this. Plus, because our age range is pretty broad it may even be a little shorter. I am ready to get excited people.

This is just another fantabulous (fantastic and fabulous together) reason why I love love love all the support I receive from blogland, facebook, and all the other adoption support groups. You guys share the excitement with me and help me deal with the fact that my friends and family most likely won't be joining in on the excitement for sometime.

If anyone out there has been in my shoes do you have any tips for me? And, at some point does the silence turn into excitement???


Little Ethiopia(n) said...

Yes... silence does turn to excitment, I can vouch for that. For alot of people on the outside (not your immediate small-group family) they just don't know what adoption is all about, what the process is, why it takes so long, etc. I had several family members point blank ask "if there are so many orphans why is it taken so long for you to get one?" they weren't being rude, they just don't understand. And it's up to us to educate the ones who are interested in learning. Plus a lot of people only hear about adoption when adoptions go they may be afraid for you.

But man--the minute you get a picture, a few little facts, something concrete about your little babe--then suddenly everyone GETS it. They have something to look at and talk about. It's not just a abstract idea it's real. Some people just need a "pregnant belly" to focus on...for adopters that's the referral photo I guess.

Sorry the silence is getting to you...I totally understand. But it will get better I promise. And until have us!

Ashley said...

I'm with you...we're getting a lot of silence as well. It bothered me a lot at first, but now that we're to the waiting stage (we've only been officially on the waiting list for about 2 weeks now), I'm just not letting it bother me. I know we're moving somewhere, and so, I just sit and wait. I know that once our son gets home our friends and family will love him just like our other two - and if they don't, then they weren't real friends or family to begin with right?! I think the post above is right -soooo many people just don't get adoption. They don't understand the process, the heart of those of us who adopt, or the emotions that go with it. I feel better when I read other adoption blogs...I get excited with them, and feel like in turn they are excited for me, even though most of them don't know me and never will.

Good luck, you will be in my prayers, because I know how hard the silence is to deal with.


Sharon said...

I SO get where you're at, because I'm in the same spot!!! We also have 3 children and are in the process of adopting 2 children from Ethiopia. We get very similar responses about adopting, and then adopting from Ethiopia, as well. We're finishing up our paperwork as well, just waiting for our social worker to finish our homestudy and our dossier is ready to go.
I'm sure our families and friends will be excited when they see pics...but it's still hard when I'm feeling "alone" in the excitement!

adventures north said...

OK, I think I've resolved my identity crisis of a few posts ago, sorry about that! I think the non-adoption world honestly doesn't really know what to do with the information. There are so many horror stories floating around in the media and the grapevine, I think some people are afraid to get their hopes up for fear the adoption won't happen. Or some people don't understand the process and don't know how or when to feel excited. And some have concerns about how adoption will impact themsleves personally and the family. But we found all that melted away as soon as we had our boy in our arms.

We 'R McGee said...

Just another vote for, "we have seen the same thing." We don't have any children, though, and it is very confusing to others that we would adopt before trying to have. I also feel like I'm expecting. Some days WITH the hormones raging, some days without.
I believe most people will come around, but it has been surprising and interesting to see who is still in silence mode (after many have known for 7 months or more). The people from which I expected to have an unfavorable response seemed to respond well, but others, for whom I expected it would be no problem, act like it doesn't exist.
Good luck, all! We're in this together! ;)


Anonymous said...

I echo many of the comments here, Amber, and just want to say that I, too, have noticed how different it is to go through this process than pregnancy... Even though these will be our first kids, we don't get the same reaction as we would if we announced we were pregnant.