Friday, February 18, 2011
Okay... I have been loosing SO MUCH sleep bc I can't get over the fact that we are DONE. We are supposed to be DONE having children. Four was supposed to be the magic number. It is a good number. An even number. We are busy... they keep us very busy... right???
Problem is I am 29 years old. Everyone around us is finally starting to have babies and we are DONE. That compounded with the fact that I have 3 biological children and 1 adopted. Plus, my bio children are white and my adopted child is black. And, we are off gender wise- 3 boys and 1 girl. My boys are fortunate enough to have this amazing brotherhood and Belle is all on her own. Now I know she has adapted to her role as the queen bee in the house... but I LOVE my sister and I want her to have that special bond too.
So now what? What am I supposed to do? I have called agencies and looked into starting this roller coaster crazy ride again and through all the chaos that entails I still feel like we need one more. One more daughter... and I feel like she also needs to be from Ethiopia. Please tell me I am crazy. Please tell me all these feelings inside will subside and I will feel complete. We are already so blessed... beyond anything I had ever imagined. Tell me I am selfish and I should be grateful for the amazing family I have. Please...
Posted by Amber at 4:41 PM