4 Months!!!

Wow... 4 months down feels pretty good. I feel like I am in a good stage of the wait. I think it is hard to realize that referrals don't work like us list people like them (i.e. in order). There are just too many factors. For example someone from my agency just a few weeks ago had 36 people ahead of them (she was behind me) and she received her referral last week. She had a broad age range which made her time line quicker. But, a few weeks ago I don't think she thought she was that close.

I have no idea when we will get our referral... friends and family keep asking. It is funny I don't think people realize how long this process takes. And, when they don't hear any news during the wait they think you gave up or something. C'mon all this and then give up? Fellow PAP's know that isn't going to happen.

The wait is out of my hands and out of my control I tell them and I am finally at peace. I am anxious to hear from a fellow PAP who went to visit her son in the orphanage last week though because many of the recent referrals have been from this new orphanage and I don't know much about it. And, I am hoping that wacap updates us soon after their representatives get back from their Ethiopia trip. Fingers crossed maybe they are meeting with new orphanages and my wait will be on the shorter end (just b/c I am at peace doesn't mean I am patient ;) I really feel like my son is in an orphanage now just waiting for me. And, I will be thrilled when I finally have a face to put in my dreams.

28 is Great!!!

My birthday was last weekend and I was able to spend it with my sweetie in San Francisco. We had a blast. It is so much fun as parents to get away and act like kids sometimes (thanks mom).
I wanted to reflect a little on what my 28 years have taught me, hence the following lists on 28 things I know... this is only for my reflection. I am not saying I have any thing to teach. These are just some things that I have learned and want to remember.
Here goes...

1.) Life is short, so spend it with the ones I love.
2.) Be grateful in everything (bad and good)
3.) Kids really do grow up fast.
4.) Love grows.
5.) Faith is important
6.) So, is health (which means I have to find the time- hello 8pm workouts)
7.) Eating healthy can be a family event
8.) Education is tricky with kids (I need to make sure they understand the value)
9.) We don't choose our family, but we do our friends
10.) Never look back, it all led me to where I am today
11.) Relationships need work always
12.) Trust is key
13.) Along with Communication
14.) Be adventurous even if it scares me sometimes (I'll grow)
15.) I want to travel (somewhere besides Disneyworld- come on Ethiopia)
16.) Love my Job(s)
17.) That includes loving being a Mom & Wife
18.) If someone tells you it can't be done- don't listen
19.) Views can differ, but I have the right to have my own
20.) I can re-invent myself and my life
21.) Pay attention to the small things
22.) Materialism gets you no where- happiness and love can't be bought
23.) Stay away from Entertainment magazines/ tabloids (waste of time)
24.) If I believe it, I can make it come true
25.) Willpower is hard
26.) Sugar is a drug and I get addicted (coffee too!)
27.) List making is hard
28.) Set my goals high

3 Months 3 Weeks!!!

I just took a look at my ticker and I noticed that I have officially been waiting for 3 months and 3 weeks and 1 day!!! The wait is such a funny thing. When all the referrals were pouring in I could hardly stand to wait a minute longer... I guess I felt like the referrals were never going to end. But, since things have quieted down and I have some control over my emotions I am feeling good.
There are still a lot of little things that I would like to finish up before my lil' guy gets home. His room, learn more amharic, learn how to cook some basic Ethiopian recipes, etc...
Another positive about the wait is as the time has passed I have found that my kids are more prepared and knowledgeable about what is going to happen and what it will be like when we bring their brother home.
Speaking of room arrangements- those of you who have been in my shoes what did you do? Right now I am contemplating letting all 4 of my children share a room by re-modeling 2 rooms into 1 giant room with two sets of bunk beds. I have 3 kids rooms upstairs. One belonged to my boys, another was Belle's and the third is a guest room. But, we have had a hard time getting Belle to sleep in her own room so as of late she has been sleeping on a crib mattress on the floor in her brothers room. Ha... laugh if you will but this arrangement has been great. They read books to each other and then lights out and we get more personal time than we have in a loonng time- WooHoo!!!
My other thoughts are letting Belle and the new lil' guy share a room, keep the boys together and then I would still have my guest bedroom. ugh... I suppose there are a lot of options. I could also make the big room and just put the boys in it... but I feel bad for Belle. While they are all young I feel like I should keep them all together regardless of gender, and as they get older we can begin to separate them again. See I should be thankful that I have this time, I have a lot of thinking to do ;)
FYI I am assuming that for some time our lil' guy will most likely be in our room. But, I would like his bed set up so he has a place at home when he arrives even if it does not get used for awhile. So, what are your plans or do you have any suggestions for me?

Got the Update- but not what I thought

So, I finally heard back from my social worker only to learn that I was wwwaaayyyy off on my list. I was told today that there are a total of 13 families still ahead of me with overlapping requests. Geesh- I didn't see that coming??? I think I need to stop trying to pinpoint how many weeks/ months I have left to wait as it is completely impossible to figure out. I gave myself a goal (or a mission) and that is that I am going to try and enjoy the process- not rush through it. The right child will come into my life at the right time. And, until then I am going to enjoy my wonderful three kiddos like there is no tomorrow and be thankful for each day God gives me.
Eventually the call will come. Eventually I will see my sweet boys face. And, Eventually I will hold him in my arms.

I know this poem has gone around in blog land before, but I love it so I am posting it again because it is my blog and it makes me feel better!!! he he

KISSES IN THE WIND

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- Unknown

Adoption Update

So, we still have not heard back from our social worker on our official numbers, but I found out that I am unofficially most likely #5 for an infant and #2 for a toddler. I doubt any more referrals will go out until our main program manager gets back into town (Feb. 1st), but I have definitely moved up from #16. And, I am supposed to know my official numbers by the end of the week.

It has been very exciting the past few weeks watching all of the families post about their referral calls. I can't imagine what a moment it must be when you finally get the call! I am almost in tears just reading the other families descriptions. I feel like someday soon it will be my turn. But, I am trying not to get too excited because it seems like referrals come in waves. And, I think this big wave has come to an end. But, the closer I get to the top of the list the harder it is not to think about the phone ringing. I know it will still be awhile, but I have to admit my heart skips a beat when the phone rings or I have mail in my inbox.

Geesh... and I thought pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster. International adoption has definitely changed me: emotionally, spiritually, mentally & I even think physically. This is a CRAZY process and I am so glad I signed on ;)

Gone Crazy...

So, I was doing completely fine with the wait prior to returning back to work. But, since I have gone mad. This week my agency has been giving out a lot of referrals. Much more than I typically see in a month. But, all this excitement partnered with the fact the from 7:45am- 4pm Mon.-Fri. I have constant access to the internet I have become some sort of obsessive crazy person. I made what I call a crazy list after my social worker let me know she won't be able to give me an update on where I am until the end of next week. That basically means I have searched my agencies yahoo group and compiled all of the families that I know are ahead of me and broken them into groups... 0-12 months, 13-18 months, 13-24 months, 13-36 months. See CRAZY!!!
And, in reality (which is slowly soaking back into my brain) my list means nothing. My yahoo group does not have everyone on it that is with my agency and many people have not updated their info, and the overlapping requests actually become quite complicating. So, as my educated and intelligent brain begins to slowly take control from my crazy emotional brain I am gaining insight that we still probably have a few months to go. So, I am going to attempt to stop getting excited when there is mail in my inbox or my phone starts ringing and, be grateful that there is movement and we are getting closer.

Movement...

So, I was whining early yesterday and then a good number of referrals went out since then from my agency (WACAP). Yay!!! I have not checked with my social worker to see where we are at on the list. I am trying to be patient and wait a few weeks but, my husband really wants to know... so we will see how long we can hold out. Many of the referrals that went out were surprisingly for young sibling groups. That is very exciting as typically that is one of the longest waits with most agencies. But, those referrals do not move me any further down my list b/c their request did not overlap mine. So, fingers crossed that more referrals keep coming.

the WAIT...

My kids are back in school... I am back at work (or at least trying to be)... but, I keep checking my inbox and yahoo group accounts for any updates. Maybe it is because I finally have the time to look, or maybe it is b/c the agency I used to belong to has had some referrals today, or maybe it is b/c after all of the holidays I am hoping our agency has some referrals to hand out so I can move down the list. It's probably all 3 combined.
However, I promised myself when I checked in the first time to see where I was on the list (my number was 16 then which means there were 16 people ahead of me with overlapping requests) that I would wait to ask again until I saw some decent movement. My unofficial list off my yahoo group puts me somewhere around #11 right now. But, because my made up list is just that- made up. It holds no real bearing and so really I could still very well be #16.
Anyhoo... today the wait is wearing on me. I know that my referral will come someday. And, I am not really expecting anything until possibly March but probably more like April or May. But, some movement sure would be reassuring.

2010

We kicked off 2010 with a fun trip out of the 80 degree weather and entered some real winter weather. This was our first road trip and the kids did fantastic. They all loved playing in the snow, and my baby girl wanted to go faster and backwards down the tubing hills... ahhhh!!! (enter my freaked out face here)

2009 was a great year. We were fortunate to go on some amazing adventures as a family, the kids have become even closer and I think I learned a lot about parenting this year.

I am excited and a little impatient to enter into 2010. This could be the year we get our referral and meet our sweet boy. I have to admit I am getting pretty anxious to get through the whole waiting part of this process. I can't wait to meet our next son and learn who he is.
And, my New Year's resolution is to become a more active and healthy family.