tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70084850397471223732024-03-05T00:42:24.760-08:00Life, Love & Lots of LaughterIsaiah 43:5-6 Do not be afraid for I am with you. I will bring your children from the East and gather you from the West...Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger270125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-39718314771846329492015-05-09T08:24:00.002-07:002015-05-09T08:24:58.277-07:00Come follow us at our new home...<h4 style="text-align: center;">
Hi there... </h4>
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we are now posting our adventures at <b> </b></h3>
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<b><a href="http://www.globalmunchkins.com/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhleYWLD_kV5aktMlmKLJ2u5G9RJb7g2dtQ9W9K3Xo4wIeMeNZCHpcYQTdaSAZWh3NFQHGZ4LsfgfXiDKZs9nCRG4dxFSLTz0hYB6OWTFJdKu31VVNhB94c5oBjNAlfqx-4nbs9iukFO3I/s400/global+munchkins+header.png" width="400" /></a> </b></h3>
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<a href="http://www.globalmunchkins.com/"><b>www.GlobalMunchkins.com</b></a></h3>
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<b>Come follow along on our adventures. We are traveling around the world with our 5 kids in tow. Yes!! 5... we adopted again this time from the states and we would love to have you stop by and say hello. It's been too long friends!!!</b></h4>
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<b>Love Mama Munchkin!!! </b></h4>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-40424184060049012702014-02-23T08:48:00.000-08:002014-02-23T08:48:36.094-08:00Its been WAY too long... let's start catching up!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
Okay so it has been a crazy crazy...
perfectly wonderful & amazing year!!! Hubs and I took a wonderful
trip to Bali and Singapore to celebrate 10 years of marriage last May
following my last post. It was wonderful to get to re-connect with him
after everything we have been through (we have weathered a lot in our
short marriage). Hubby lost his mom, we removed ourselves from a family
business, had three kids, built two businesses together and adopted a
child who had extreme trauma issues. Its just a lot to type out- Phew!</div>
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To
leave all of that behind and go to such a peaceful amazing country and
spurge on our every wish was just DREAMY!!! Again, I find myself just
trying to step back and take it all in. Life is amazing and I feel so
very blessed to have lived the life I have lived so far.</div>
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Anyhoo...
I will have to post more on Bali later. But, that trip allowed us to
really connect. To look back at the past 10 years and dream about what
the next ten will bring. We vowed to slow down and really appreciate
our lives. We've been in such a rat race and now we are just trying to
breathe and be grateful for our lives and spend quality time with our
kids while they are... well... while they are still kids!</div>
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So,
all of that led to us deciding (well me deciding and then convincing
Hubby) that we wanted one more child just to savor our kids and extend
our parenting. And, we also confirmed that I was going to stay home and
be the best house wife and mom EVER!</div>
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And,
that is exactly where I find myself now. It is February 2014 nearly a
year since my last post and I have been home mostly since last May but
completely seperate from work since Sept. 15th when we welcomed sweet
baby Grace into our family.</div>
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Yes...
you read that right. We adopted a beautiful baby girl through private
adoption. Her birth parents chose us to be her family in June... we
flew to meet them in July and then she was born September 15th. It was
an amazing whirlwind. </div>
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Life
is so sweet! Grace is an angel. Plus, her birth parents are an
amazing couple who were so sweet to M*. Walking through Grace's
adoption with us was such a healing process for him. We couldn't have
asked for a better experience. </div>
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(More details will follow bc I want to document these past months so I can look back).</div>
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So
here I am. A Kick Axx wife/ stay at home mom living out my dream. I
am enjoying my husband and my kids more than I ever have. And, best of
all I am having a ton of FUN!!!</div>
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It really is true that the storms in your life bring the biggest silver linings. </div>
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Things are just GOOD right now!!!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-82229289472112123402013-05-05T19:22:00.002-07:002013-05-05T19:22:50.685-07:00Easter 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love Easter. It is such a wonderful time of year. I love teaching the kids about the sacrifice that Christ made to allow us to live this amazing life... I love the fresh spring flowers... the babies and the beautiful sunshine. I love dying eggs and watching the kids run as fast as they can to find all the Easter eggs. <br />
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This year was especially fun bc we were able to spend it with our closest friends. I am so blessed by these amazing women that I am lucky enough to have in my life. When I was younger it seemed like girls were always full of so much drama. Friendships were difficult and full of self doubt and manipulation. But, these girls are none of that. They are honest, kind, caring, truly beautiful amazing and talented women. They support me no matter what and they are honest with me and confront me when they know I am doing something wrong. They are wonderful!!!<br />
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Not only are my girlfriends amazing but we are made up of mostly adoptive and transracial families so our adopted children have all of these friends who have the same story (or at least similar) as they do. Not to mention they are around families that look like ours. I think this normalizes the whole adoption experience and makes it easier for our kids to be "different" around other families. I think it gives them confidence in knowing there are other families just like ours and maybe we are not so "different" after all!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-13926177276208167972013-05-05T19:09:00.001-07:002013-05-05T19:09:22.624-07:00Spring Time Fun!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For spring break we headed to Scottsdale AZ for some spring training fun. We had a blast meeting up with more family and just kicking back in the sun. The kids are at such a great age. They played in the pool like little fish and enjoyed night time s'mores provided by the hotel staff. <br />
<br />This time not only did the kids get to visit the Angels at their spring training game... but they also got to go to their first hockey game (well pro that is). We took them to Jobing arena to see the Pheonix Coyotes. Poor Belle ate so many treats she got sick on our way out and I dropped my phone on the long car drive home and it cracked into a ridiculous amount of pieces. But, other than those minor set backs the trip was a blast!!!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-61582997712137120552013-03-05T21:03:00.001-08:002013-03-05T21:03:02.590-08:00iPhone Photo Dump<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have been cooking up a storm lately. I think it was helping me through my stressful decision of whether or not I could actually stay home. Turns out I'm pretty decent in the kitchen now. I have really come a long way coming from a family that did not do much home cooking. What I have been most excited about is I am cooking clean, whole, healthy meals. The kids are digging it. They especially loved the pineapple fried rice with shrimp that I served in these pineapple boats!!!<br />
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We were lucky enough to get to go to an early viewing of Oz before it came out to the public which the kids thought was pretty cool! The movie was much better than I had anticipated too so it turned out to be a fun event.<br />
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That same weekend we went to the pirates dinner adventure which the kids thought was a total blast. We were joined by even more close family so the night was pretty fun.<br />
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Belle got picked to be in the show (well... by picked you should read her uncle lied and said it was her birthday) and she LOVED it! She did almost fall in the water while attempting to throw her gold coin in the water. But, thankfully she made it out safely ;)<br />
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Belle brought her Merida with her to the hotel and asked me to take her picture. She is getting so big.<br />
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Cuddlebear is getting so old and he has impressed me so much. He is the perfect older brother. He is on student council, made honor roll and loves helping out with the littles. I cannot wait to see what he does in life.<br />
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Sweet M* has had a fascination with being an actor from watching Disney channel so when an opportunity presented himself I jumped. I let him audition for a part in a tv show. He didn't get it but I was so proud of him for wanting something, talking to me about it and then being brave enough to try it. He was so excited. What was really cool about the experience is he realized I did it just for him and he was very appreciative. He has come SO FAR I can hardly believe it. Such an amazing boy!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-86111988810780796952013-03-04T13:38:00.000-08:002013-03-04T13:38:03.671-08:00March... How did that happen???Well life around here moves at lightening speed. I have no idea how all of the sudden we find ourselves in March meaning spring break and Easter are just around the corner. It is interesting actually because Hubby and I got married young, started our family young and started our businesses young and we have had our head down just trying to get through it all. But, lately my eyes have become wide open and I realized that because of all of our hard work and dedication we have built something truly amazing!!!<br />
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We have a wonderful marriage that has endured so much, a remarkable friendship, four amazing children that bring us so much joy and a few successful businesses. I guess it is true that if you put your mind to something and work hard enough you can actually make it come true.<br />
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But, now that I am aware of our accomplishments I am also aware of our sacrifices. As a little girl I dreamed of being a mom. Coming from a mom who stayed home while I was young it was always my assumption that I would stay home with my babies. However, as circumstances were I could not (or chose not to) stay home when I actually had my children. In fact I never even took a maternity leave until Sweet M* came home and I had to take off work for a few months because his transition was so intense and difficult.<br />
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This realization that I missed out on some of my precious babies time along with the fact that my youngest... little Belle is already losing teeth and moving on to kindergarten next year has got me caught up in some kind of mid life crisis- YIKES!<br />
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So, I have spent that last 3 months or so trying to figure out what to do about it. I am not one to sit back and watch life pass me by. I have always chosen to live life to its fullest so whenever I have felt the need to do something I have always JUMPED! So, after three months of careful consideration and changing my mind back and forth several times a day (driving my amazing supportive husband absolutely batty) I finally feel like I am ready for my next leap and boy is it a big one!!!<br />
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I am going to train someone to replace me at work and I am going to try my hand at being a stay at home mom. WOOT! WOOT! I am so excited to be present with the kids. To have the patience to have deep conversations with them and to listen to their nonsense jibber jabber with enthusiasm. I cannot wait to have the time to take them to the park, make a mess with playdough and paint all without having to worry about all the work that will be sitting waiting for me. I also believe this will slow life down a bit more so I don't lose anymore precious time with my babies. <br />
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It is not only about the munchkins. I truly believe this will also allow me to be a better wife. I love taking care of my husband and I miss being truly engaged in conversation with him. It has been way too long that I have been trying to juggle so many roles and I realize now that when you do that you can't give your all to each of them. In that scenario everyone loses out because no one gets enough of the slice leaving me feeling inadequate at the things most important to me. So, no more! I am putting my foot down, making a big change and I know it is going to be the best decision I have ever made. Life is too short not to be there with the ones you love. <br />
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Watch out Martha Stewart because a new homemaker is coming to town!!! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-17608948880338672872013-02-22T10:49:00.000-08:002013-02-22T10:49:05.336-08:00Snow much Fun!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
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This past weekend we drove up a completely dry mountain on a 72 degree sunny day and sat on a ski lift for 15 minutes to the top of a mountain and we found a small bit of snow to play in. Gotta love California. We missed going to the snow last year and knew we had to make it out this year bc the kids absolutely love the snow. But, there are only a few weekends that you can actually enjoy the snow if you live in sunny So Cal so we just went ahead even though it was not the most snowy of days ;)</div>
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The kids didn't mind one bit though. There was enough snow to have a snow ball fight and go tubing and that is all that mattered. They had a blast. I will keep it at "they" bc let's be honest this momma is a sunshine, flip flop wearing kind of girl and being in the snow is just NOT my cup of tea. I do enjoy looking at the pictures now of my cute kids while I am in my warm house sipping on hot tea ;)</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-87061894905772488332013-01-13T20:04:00.002-08:002013-01-13T20:04:41.534-08:00a fresh start...So, good news!!! The little girl I mentioned that we were not able to move forward with is now living with her grandmother and is no longer in the orphanage. <br />
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Good news you ask? Let me explain... I hoped and prayed that God would bless this precious little girl and that if she was meant to be in our family that the adoption would still move forward. I literally prayed no less than 10 times a day. I read my bible more than ever just to feel closer to our Father. No, my wishes did not exactly come true but God was definitely working in the background. I love how he intertwines our lives and brings out some amazing miracles out of some of our most sorrow filled moments. His ways are so much better than ours and I am feeling so blessed to be able to witness such a miracle. <br />
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I was hoping to hear more good news after the long break. But, instead I received an email and had to make a decision on another referral very quickly. It broke my heart but we had to turn the second referral down bc we didn't feel right leaving this sweet girl to grow up in the orphanage. I was a mess. I wasn't sure if we should have moved forward with the second little girl and I didn't know how we would make the first referral work. But, we felt like we needed to fight harder for her. I put her pictures back on my phone and just prayed. Hubby and I finally felt like this was the right move regardless of where it lead. <br />
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Literally, the next day I received another email letting me know that people went out to try and find this little girls birth mom once again. Although, they were unable to locate her they did come across the little girl's grandmother AND she accepted custody of the little girl. This was like music to my ears... hard and sad to come to the realization that this road was over and our sweet girl was not going to come home to us. But, adoption always needs to be the last resort and I am finally at peace with the situation knowing that my persistence may have helped reunite this sweet one to her biological family. And, although I will never hold her in my arms... she will remain in my heart forever!<br />
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Here are some fun shots from this weekend of my other blessings!<br />
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My big guy looking so cool!</div>
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My middle monsters... so fun having them on the same team this year!</div>
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How can you not smile when you see this crazy girl's face :)</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-39454185988863795742013-01-02T20:09:00.002-08:002013-01-02T20:09:57.819-08:00Happy 2013!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
New Year's is one of those holidays in my book that typically passes by without much fuss. Maybe its because I had kids so young and don't really remember one prior to them being part of it? Or maybe its because staying up until midnight with toddlers or trying to find a sitter on New Year's isn't easy. </div>
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But, something about this year has me excited. I feel like it is going to be a GREAT year for us. I also feel like there is so much that could happen within this year and I am just waiting for His Plan to unfold. </div>
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So, what did we do to celebrate? We dressed up (again in our Christmas clothes bc this momma didn't get a family picture last time), went out to all you can eat sushi (YUM) and partied at home watching the Back to the Future trilogy. May not sound like a fun filled night but honestly it was! We were also joined by my parents, sister and one friend whose like family to us. We are so blessed to be surrounded always by so much love & laughter!!!</div>
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Here are some photos from the night:</div>
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Looking good in their Christmas outfits!!!</div>
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The whole gang</div>
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Me with the BEST husband in the world</div>
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Can't get closer to family with this girl... We LOVE her!!!</div>
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My mom and sister amusing me by wearing funny tiara's ;)</div>
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A handsome little guy</div>
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Mr. Cool</div>
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Watching the Countdown</div>
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My New Year's Kiss</div>
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What's a New Year's without banging on some pots and pans.</div>
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I hope you had a fun filled & safe New Year's as well!!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-64129112537022358112012-12-26T19:49:00.000-08:002012-12-26T19:50:12.996-08:00Christmas in Pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-1796035810709841582012-12-19T07:18:00.001-08:002012-12-19T07:18:11.313-08:00Thankful...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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That is what I am.</div>
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I am so thankful for the life I get to lead. So, thankful for the health and happiness of my four beautiful children and my amazing husband. I am thankful for each breath I take and each day that is given to me. So, very thankful!</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-45456259909338110902012-12-17T14:56:00.000-08:002012-12-17T14:56:05.269-08:00Nutcracker Time!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Miss Belle asked for ballet lessons on her 4th birthday and I am so glad we obliged. This sweet girl loves to dance! But, what she loves the most is to perform so, this is our second year in "The Nutcracker". It is fun but also super exhausting with 2-3 hour rehearsals for weeks beforehand and then nightly shows for a week and a half... last night was show 2. Oh, boy it's going to be a whirlwind the next few nights.<br />
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But, all of the chaos of running around is forgotten when I see her little eyes light up as she twirls in front of the mirror in her different costumes and tells me stories of how someday she will play Claire.<br />
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This one is made of sunshine!!!<br />
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<b>Adoption Front:</b><br />
We have received word that we won't be moving forward with Q. We were shown two new referrals but are taking it slow to recoup and see what we should do next. In the meantime though the kids have made it clear they still want a sister. Sweet M* asked about it the other day and said... "Mom, I won't be the only one." Just that and then walked away. I think it means a lot to him to have someone with a similar story in the family. And, last night Belle told me she has been dreaming about the orphanage. One dream was that her and her sister were adopted by us together. The other was she went to Ghana with us and it only took one trip to bring her sister home. I'm praying hard and giving this one to the Lord bc it is weighing heavy on my heart. I trust he will lead us where we are meant to be.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-39156043819232526602012-12-10T01:00:00.000-08:002012-12-10T01:10:54.695-08:00This is a Big one!So... I have written and deleted many a posts in the past two months. Many more than this one were on very positive notes trying to get out some very big news. Unfortunately, our news has come to a screeching halt and now I am left only to blog about the events that happened as a way of expressing my feelings and moving on.<br />
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As I have mentioned before I have felt the need to adopt another child pressing on us since we became a trans-racial family. Before we brought Sweet M* home we talked about what we would do "if" our adopted child had concerns about being the only one adopted and/ or being the only one with brown skin. Well truth is that for M* since the very beginning color and being different has been a big deal. We knew this but were falling short on our promises because M*'s transition had been so incredibly difficult and we honestly did not know how we would make it through another adoption.<br />
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As time has passed and more recently as M* has had some big milestones in attachment I have had the idea of a 5th child. Yes, I know I am insane... however when I look at my life the most important thing in it is my children. Sweet M*'s adoption has filled my heart with faith and love and I am living a very fulfilling life. When I think about what makes me happiest is is definitely my husband and my kids. Even when Hubby and I were planning our 10th anniversary trip to the Greek Islands I was having trouble bc 1) I didn't want to leave the kids and 2) bc I would much rather travel and visit orphans and bring supplies. See crazy!<br />
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So, now that you know I am nuts let's move on. Around July I became overwhelmed with something. And, I say something bc at first I wasn't sure what I was feeling. I felt like I was missing something in my life and I started doing some soul searching. I looked into opening a non-profit and I looked into supporting ones that already existed. I looked into traveling back to M*'s birth family to see what we could do to help their living conditions. And, then I looked into adopting. <br />
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Once I started looking into another adoption I became obsessed with the idea of having another child. It was like the best thing I had ever thought of. A sister for Belle, someone who had a similar story and looked like Sweet M*. I was overjoyed... it felt like the piece I needed was right there in front of me.<br />
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But, then fear and panic set in. So, me being the planner I am tried to work up every situation. First I thought of going through the same agency we had with M* bc I knew they understood what we had been through and I thought they would understand if we were concerned about potential behaviors etc... However, I learned that the Ethiopia program had changed a lot. Next up was special needs. Our agency had an adorable little boy who was HIV+ however after requesting his info I felt like if we were to adopt it would really need to be a girl and I did not want to disrupt birth order again (we did with M* and I will post about that another time). Then I met with a friend who adopted her daughter in ET with us. She was tossing around the idea of African American Infant adoption.<br />
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It seemed logical that we would go through the African American Infant Adoption Program here in the states. The infant would have an easier adjustment, I knew there was a demand for families yada yada. It seemed like it made sense. So, I researched agencies.<br />
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All this research was going on but I had another fear... actually telling other people about the desire to adopt again. I set out to tell my kids first. I would slip it in to conversations just waiting for them to shoot the idea down. After all Belle always likes being spoiled and the kids already had enough people the had to share their toys and attention for mom and dad with. But, to my humble surprise the kids LOVED the idea. Even when I made it very clear we might not take as many vacations, they most likely will not get as many birthday and x-mas presents and the fact that they would have to deal with another child who was going to need a lot of mom and dads attention. They fully understood and would honestly have given up anything to bring another child into the house. I was stunned and so impressed with my babies. They truly made me feel like as insane as my thoughts were... we would be just fine growing our family.<br />
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Next up I went to my mom. I thought she would talk some sense into me before I unloaded this insane notion on my husband. But, no... she too was not only supportive but thought it would be great for M*.<br />
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Next up was the love of my life. The man who has walked down my crazy path of ideas more than once... and has always loved me through them. This man is made of gold. He is like an angel sent from heaven to watch over me and love me. He is the most amazing husband but I knew this was not going to be something on his agenda. But, I also know that I can tell him anything so... I did.<br />
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He reacted the way that I imagined he would. He was shocked. At first he thought I was joking but once he realized I was serious he took it into consideration. His thoughts were that he felt fine about parenting another child and the immediate burden financially. However, the thought of the long term finances another child would bring scared him.<br />
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I did not want to push it so even though I was sad life went on and I tried to step away. But, adoption filled my mind. I kept mum about it but the kids were now advocating big time for a new sister. Especially, Belle. She started coloring pictures of her and her sister. She started exhibiting behaviors like sharing to show us she could be a big sister. At one point she even carried a tinker toy sister with her to the playground and talked to it the entire time as if it was her sister. It made it impossible for me to stop thinking about adopting. I mean how do you say no to this face?<br />
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Then I received an email from Rainbow Kids an international advocacy network of waiting children. I had put a profile together when we were in the process for M* and some kids had become available that matched my profile. Normally, I delete these emails but this time I opened it and a beautiful little girls picture looked straight at me. Her description was so sweet... she was shy, loved to sing and loved to eat fruit and she was only 3 1/2. I thought how perfect it would be if we could just adopt her (nonchalantly of course since we hadn't even decided if we were adopting again). I walked over to Hubby and said "How about a Ghanian daughter". He looked at her picture and read her description and said "Sure... if it is her... Go for it!" So, I sent an inquiry.<br />
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The next morning Belle got on my computer to play games and the little girls picture was still up on the computer. Belle looked at me and said, "Mom... there is my sister."-- WHAT?!?!?<br />
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My heart stopped and my jaw dropped. Then she repeated herself. I told her that it was just a picture and moved on. I was sure the agency would not accept us. We didn't even have a current home study. This little girl just danced in my head and then all of the sudden I opened my inbox. There was an email from the agency. I opened it and read the information. The agency requested I send over information. So, I did. I told Mike and talked to all of the kids. I let them know it was very unlikely that our family would be chosen but I like to be upfront and honest with them. Plus, I wanted to see if this was real... would they freak out??<br />
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Mike and I were freaked out but the kids were just fine. The agency let us know there were other families interested so I just stayed under the assumption that someone else would be picked. Hubby and I went for a drive on day and the conversation came up. He said that he was still nervous about finances but for this little girl he would move forward. Right as the words came out of his mouth I emailed the agency. I let them know that I felt very strongly that sweet Q was meant to be in our family. I just felt like I had to get that out there to them... maybe it would make an impact. But, the response I got was just that I had done everything they asked and provided all that they needed. At this time there was nothing more I could do. I felt so discouraged. But, I prayed. I had the kids pray and I asked Mike to as well. Our prayer was always that our Father covers Q in his blessings and that she is well taken care of. We prayed that His will was done whether that meant she would join or family or otherwise. I felt great comfort in my prayers.<br />
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A few days passed and I got the best email. WE HAD BEEN CHOSEN!!! I didn't know whether I was more scared or excited (in hindsight I was scared). I called the agency and began attacking them with a million questions as I realized I didn't know anything about them. I looked up the safety of traveling to Ghana only to learn that they are one of the friendliest African countries. Looking back I can see that I was trying to get someone to tell me this was wrong... not to move forward. However, everything I asked was answered in a good way. I did reference checks, talked to other agencies within the country and learned more about the process there. Everything actually was coming together nicely. I felt like this was the path we were supposed to be on. I was so excited!!!<br />
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The agency even granted us the option to go visit Q immediately which was huge for us. We were caught off guard completely with M*'s adoption and trauma that this time we wanted to be prepared from the get go. So, within 2 weeks we completed our home study and dossier. IN TWO WEEKS! That is record time for sure. We talked to the agency came up with travel dates and booked flights. Everything was going so smoothly it felt like a dream.<br />
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Until things came to a sudden halt. About two weeks prior to our departure our case worker called to inform us that a paper we had thought was going to be a piece of cake to get signed did NOT get signed. The agency was not comfortable with us traveling until that was done.<br />
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We held on hope assuming it would eventually get signed but that we might be in for a longer wait. We received pictures from traveling families, sent a care package and started preparing our minds for her coming home. The kids started collecting orphanage donations, we came up with a name, bought some items for her and even booked a Disney cruise to take her on since all the other kids had already been.<br />
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Fast forward two months and still no signature. <br />
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Two weeks ago we were told we may need to consider looking at other referrals and last week we were told they would make one more final attempt... but basically it was I am so so sorry. They also mentioned they had files on two sisters and a two and a half year old little girl. My heart felt like it burst! We had just received our first video since accepting her file. They told her mom and dad were waiting for her...<br />
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Cue in utter shock, disappointment, sadness and grief. I am numb.<br />
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All along I felt like this was what His plan was. I felt like I was so in touch with our Father and I felt like she was going to be such an amazing blessing to our family. I am getting through the days now solely because I know that His plans are better than mine. I am trying to stay positive but, I am weak. I am struggling to let Him choose the course... I am struggling bc I am a planner... I like to be in charge. I am searching for answers and direction... but I know deep down I just need to be thankful and know that His will will be done and that His plans are much better than mine. This is HARD!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-16044360455173205632012-12-09T23:46:00.002-08:002012-12-09T23:46:39.766-08:00Feliz Navidad... Gingerbread House Extravaganza!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love blogging... want to know why?? Well that is how I met one of my good friends and through her met several more. These girls are my peeps! We are connected through adoption, laughs and tears and I cannot imagine my life without them.</div>
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Our gingerbread house party turned into a Mexican celebration bc one of our friends amazing son and husband are taking gifts down to Mexico to some of the working poor families whose children would otherwise go without. The entry fee was a donation and I had so much fun buying gifts for those kids!! </div>
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And, seriously is this photo just too cute for words. Look at all of those sweet faces. We have seen the ups and downs in adoption and life in this group. But, the amazing and wonderful thing is we get through them together.</div>
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Here is Sweet M* making his house with his buddies... oh and did I mention on of the amazing mama's not only handmade the gingerbread but also pre-built them so we could let the kids have FUN with this project!!!</div>
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Two of my other cuties making their houses. Cuddlebear was there too and had a blast. He has been suffering from anxiety for awhile... but this night he was having so much fun!</div>
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Here is me... doing well sticking to my plan of soaking it up! I am such a lucky mom.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-67003851322514623382012-12-06T21:23:00.001-08:002012-12-06T21:23:32.780-08:00Sunshine in Winter<div style="text-align: center;">
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How I got so lucky in life I am not sure but... I am insanely grateful. We were able to visit Aulani again a few weeks ago during Thanksgiving. This time we traveled with Hubby's sister, her husband and our amazing teenage nieces. </div>
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It was an amazing vacation. It was relaxing, the kids were well behaved and we had so much fun. This was also the very first vacation that Sweet M* felt comfortable and it was amazing to watch him let loose and have fun. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPnV25ILUHWJ4c76HDEOhGPALpJVBfMg6C24LmR9onhDgBvnyzRRlgVZoVESSq92YwxiXpCVcUSiJUaekEInBdYaDVMfKlOLtl_MKP8uKg4J0hRiCDW_yKeQ7DSJDbzo1LgBCimPQSGE4/s1600/4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPnV25ILUHWJ4c76HDEOhGPALpJVBfMg6C24LmR9onhDgBvnyzRRlgVZoVESSq92YwxiXpCVcUSiJUaekEInBdYaDVMfKlOLtl_MKP8uKg4J0hRiCDW_yKeQ7DSJDbzo1LgBCimPQSGE4/s320/4.jpg" width="320" /> </a></div>
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We have traveled a lot since M* has been home but typically he has a very hard time. He has trouble with any transition and bc a vacation is essentially a break from all routine he usually cannot enjoy it. It was dreamy this time watching him splash around and laugh. He even did well when he was hungry and tired. I am so so very thankful that he has made such great progress. He is such an amazing kid! </div>
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Talking about amazing kids. I have three more who impress me just as much as M* does. I am one lucky momma. People always ask me how I do it with 4 kids. But, honestly they all get along (for the most part) and there is always someone to play with. In some ways I think big families actually can be easier. </div>
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Here is me and my big happy family!!</div>
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Here is hubby with the kids. He is such an amazing dad. These kids are so lucky to have a dad who is always so engaged. He finds ways for them to have fun ALL the time. That also means that mom gets to rest. That is actually a hard thing for me to do. I feel like I have had babies forever and now we are in a new phase. It is great but I find myself bored. I need to find some hobbies ;)</div>
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One hobby I have worked really hard at lately is just soaking up all the memories. We are in the golden years and I want to be there for all of it. </div>
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I saw this picture when we got home and nearly burst into tears. Belle was so tall standing next to me. I had to come to reality with the fact that she is growing up. Honestly, in my eyes she is 2 but when I looked at this I realized she is not even a toddler any more she is a kid. Oh, the pain this causes my heart. I just wish I could stop time... or go back and re-live some of the amazing moments we have had. But, alas the only thing I could pull together was a pledge to myself that I would be more present.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-33372766887699902282012-11-27T20:06:00.002-08:002012-11-27T20:09:35.620-08:00Boys Birthday BonanzaWe have a family tradition we started on Belle's third birthday. Every child on their actual birthday gets a day with mom and dad all to themselves and they get completely and ridiculously spoiled. It usually involves their theme park of choice, meals, games and lots of extra treats that we can never do with all 4 kids together. I LOVE this tradition. But, this year a family vacation landed right in the middle of our older boys birthday week (their birthdays are a few days apart). So, we went back to the tradition we had when it was just the two of them and we had a birthday weekend. It was so much fun to have these two together.<br />
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We stayed at the Grand Californian and somehow got the bunk bed room they always wanted without even requesting it (#welookedlikeawesomeparents)- woot! woot! We spent two days with the two of them and then on the third day we were joined with more family members. It was a fantastic trip and one I hope the boys always remember. <br />
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There was also a ton of reminiscing between myself and hubby... we never have time with just the two of them like we did before the other two came along and it was nice. They have blossomed into amazing little (i mean BIG) boys. Cuddlebear is the oldest and the son that made me a mom. He is amazing, sweet, intelligent and he is the best big brother in the world. This one is so attached to our family right now that he cries when he doesn't have time to play with his siblings (usually bc he has too much homework or soccer ran late). Captain Crazy was a crazy toddler but he is now the most considerate, sweet and loving child around. He is witty and insanely funny. He loves women and thinks they should be treated like royalty which is fantastic for Belle and myself. Captain sings me love songs, tells me I am beautiful and loves for hubby to kiss me or tell me something sweet. I am one lucky mom to have these two amazing kids.<br />
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I love our real tradition, but this years detour was nice too!<br />
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Here are some pics:<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-84402828409559637582012-11-26T20:33:00.001-08:002012-11-26T20:33:05.300-08:00Getting back on the horse... blogger styleWow... life happens and if you blink years can pass by. Especially, when you have 4 kids and own two businesses and are in the process of expanding. Days and weeks just merge together between homework projects, work reports etc...<br />
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I got so lost in the whirlwind BUT then I started reading the book "The Happiness Project" and realized how much fun I had blogging about my life. It was my pause button. My moment to stop... to reflect on the days chaos and see the beauty that existed within it. It was magic to me. Not to mention the added benefit of being able to recall that magic whenever I am in front of the internet. <br />
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So, I decided to get back on the horse and start blogging again. It is really great timing anyways because life is great right now and I know that there will be rain clouds to come and I want to remember how life only brings you what you can handle. How the darkest days can bring the brightest tomorrows. And, this is how I will do it. My own pause and rewind buttons for life.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-79317917843095311882012-11-01T18:20:00.001-07:002012-11-01T18:20:04.335-07:00Spooktastic Times!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This time of year is crazy. It seems like once October comes... you blink and it's the New Year. I am trying this year to slow it down and enjoy all the small moments. I feel so so VERY blessed to have the amazing family that I do. I feel fortunate now for the struggles we went through together bc in some crazy way it has formed this amazing unbreakable bond that feels surreal.<br />
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Right now life feels SO GOOD!!! The kids are all getting along impeccably. They are all respectful and loving towards us. They all are doing well in school. And, they are all happy. Life is as good as it gets. Seriously, people I am just soaking it up and my heart feels like it could just burst. There were so many tearful, sleepless nights when Sweet M* first came home that this day was never even in my dreams. This was something I assumed I had robbed my family of. And, yet somehow now it is mine and it is real. Thankful... I suppose thankful is the right word and a fitting word as me move onto the Thanksgiving holiday.<br />
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I am thankful that God brought our family together. I am thankful for the amazing support we received from our family and friends. I am thankful I married a man who walks through everything with me and tries everyday to make me smile (no matter what). I am thankful for each of my children and their amazing personalities and unique qualities.<br />
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Just thankful!!!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-36023537790205950412012-10-08T17:13:00.004-07:002012-10-08T17:13:59.477-07:00Lovin Life!!I am so amazed at Sweet M's progress and I feel the need to share it with others. We had quite a rough transition and when we turned to the adoption community it was hard to find others that were in a spot like we were. And, when we did most times the news we would hear was devastating. Options were things like residential treatment, disruption and mental institutional care.<br />
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Thank goodness we had the three F's- Faith, Family & Friends. We were able to get through the hard times and wake up every day trying to do our best. Now don't get me wrong there were days that we certainly failed and ugliness poured out of us from the exhaustion and lack of hope. But, we kept on trying. We kept wiping the slate clean, pouring out love and somehow slowly our lives began to improve.<br />
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I had the most amazing start to the new school year when Sweet M* brought his first progress report home with all E's (like A's in kindergarten). His teacher had nothing but excellent remarks for my little guy and I cried. It was like holding a miracle in my hand and I have never been so proud of any one my entire life.<br />
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So, the reason I have not been blogging is still bc I am catching up on lost time. Just having fun playing and loving on my four amazing kids. If you know anyone who has questions about adopting toddlers or anyone is is struggling with a child still in transition please have them comment on this post with their email address- I would love to help give another family the hope and support to get through those dark days.<br />
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Here are some pics of our amazing summer:<br />
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We went to Disneyworld: <br />
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We also went to Aulani this past summer and island hopped to Maui to visit Papa: <br />
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Sweet M* had a birthday: </div>
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Plus, we did some other fun stuff: <br />
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Visited Carsland with cousins</div>
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We saw Shamu!!</div>
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Had a Blast on the Fourth</div>
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The older boys went indoor skydiving</div>
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See... we have been VERY BUSY having lots of FUN!!!<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-88098078679994817962012-04-11T07:02:00.008-07:002012-04-12T07:41:02.196-07:00It has been awhile my friends...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHLW2hJQAgZkioMMmGzurs1qtJYr1uMdOeIMnOtozB_Ccz-fthyVIV4p4-fYOs3ms3YQgRrkQ6LZYoGIzhsvMLTBl2aUZoBVts_ekVjmdY11Chqnzb9UxogF-qShGS-cqQpv3pcGgUDEU/s1600/Easter5.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHLW2hJQAgZkioMMmGzurs1qtJYr1uMdOeIMnOtozB_Ccz-fthyVIV4p4-fYOs3ms3YQgRrkQ6LZYoGIzhsvMLTBl2aUZoBVts_ekVjmdY11Chqnzb9UxogF-qShGS-cqQpv3pcGgUDEU/s320/Easter5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730517010938986562" border="0" /></a>Wow... where to start. I have been MIA from blog world for SO LONG!!! But, GOOD NEWS we are doing VERY WELL!!! Actually, I think that is the reason I have been missing. For the most part my days are spent having fun with the kids instead of researching for answers to the bizarre behaviors we were dealing with.<br /><br />It is almost May and we are rounding the corner of being home with Sweet M* for 2 whole years now. It is crazy how fast that went... but there are times when I wasn't sure if we would ever make it. Adoption is hard. That is it. No matter how we prepare for it we cannot imagine the horror that goes on in some of our sweet children's lives before they are home safe with us. Most of us have not had to enter a new family, new culture, new language and new surroundings after being stripped of everything that kept us feeling safe and secure. We have not lost family that we know still exists. We have not questioned if we would go through that same horror tomorrow. We don't know what it feels like to truly believe that no one loves us. But, that is how my sweet boy felt.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2UhLI0hGFkGPdb0ayeJd5gwnOrzNRB6480VNoISjxZAEzjU_H5T9EcFxdoOGrlNE0qZhplfCumUchlv1BFG45vQkS3PxQ6iexSMZboHLlp1DrEYCEDxMKaNCw1R5CnFOLPLlmHU5pbZw/s1600/Mamush+Bayu.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 192px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2UhLI0hGFkGPdb0ayeJd5gwnOrzNRB6480VNoISjxZAEzjU_H5T9EcFxdoOGrlNE0qZhplfCumUchlv1BFG45vQkS3PxQ6iexSMZboHLlp1DrEYCEDxMKaNCw1R5CnFOLPLlmHU5pbZw/s320/Mamush+Bayu.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730522480082543282" border="0" /></a><br />It has taken the entire two years for Sweet M* and our family to truly start to bond. We have been through the darkest of dark days with each other. Every line and boundary has been tested. I have failed miserably at times but, we are making it. We are getting there and we are doing it together (with help from family & friends of course). And, I can say that Sweet M* is rounding a corner and has been for the past few months.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggIQjkgV-eN7wbZoIl-PaxmhMQV4OCMTJkMmfGaMY3Y3IVzVsfrjhIVBln467z3PjXMrP-LaL7KtpSuLubPwCLQzw9nvS9G4zECV2SwNgBTjyYsL_JJVK6lcux3zxN2MJRH6O7MUnLf8A/s1600/az1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggIQjkgV-eN7wbZoIl-PaxmhMQV4OCMTJkMmfGaMY3Y3IVzVsfrjhIVBln467z3PjXMrP-LaL7KtpSuLubPwCLQzw9nvS9G4zECV2SwNgBTjyYsL_JJVK6lcux3zxN2MJRH6O7MUnLf8A/s320/az1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730523144160970626" border="0" /></a>I came across a note I had saved on my iPhone and I wanted to share it in case there are other families out there having a difficult transition with their child. These were the rules we lived by and I know they helped us tremendously.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGSXyjJJxAI59_q-exo3BwAI8K_jjlURrQwGqBUmHLCwbxS7QWhpsIwiDsGEfqnGBucoCblRuH6-G1OSHvHkHTZ_i4gg2fAuPlPDGssOlOqnnIQKUAD8o_hnEaiqo-0BE6lDWeFcvqVtY/s1600/notes.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGSXyjJJxAI59_q-exo3BwAI8K_jjlURrQwGqBUmHLCwbxS7QWhpsIwiDsGEfqnGBucoCblRuH6-G1OSHvHkHTZ_i4gg2fAuPlPDGssOlOqnnIQKUAD8o_hnEaiqo-0BE6lDWeFcvqVtY/s320/notes.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730146383715621458" border="0" /></a>The key for us was truly to love Sweet M*. To understand that each purposeful thing he would do to try and get in trouble was a TEST. Yes... he tests us constantly bc he is so scared of love. He worries that there is no way it could be true. No way he could be worth as much love as we were pouring on to him. He was going to prove himself right and do something bad so he would upset us. I am not going to lie... he still can do things that make me falter. However, for the most part we stay calm and do not let our emotions get in the way of teaching him right from wrong any more. This has helped him trust us and has helped him (on most days) understand that he is a perfect child of God and loved by us UNCONDITIONALLY.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSHu5kBI-wIoyfy05OGNrE0xnHZ6fHxidQ7J5rKb_nOD_qmgjP7VXgXYBdjzAe70ZXHxb0fymShaVVv7Uv6N5UXgNoNsIv5mf28hNWTWjXf0qyXF4awoVrDJ1U4JOMBC8jBC8NIWTG_VU/s1600/easter10.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSHu5kBI-wIoyfy05OGNrE0xnHZ6fHxidQ7J5rKb_nOD_qmgjP7VXgXYBdjzAe70ZXHxb0fymShaVVv7Uv6N5UXgNoNsIv5mf28hNWTWjXf0qyXF4awoVrDJ1U4JOMBC8jBC8NIWTG_VU/s320/easter10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730517049887932002" border="0" /></a>It takes a lot of effort from my husband and I on a daily basis. There are times where one of us has to walk away to another room and pretend we cannot hear Sweet M* so that we can gain composure and come back with a smile on our face. It is HARD. But, the healing we see is so POWERFUL. Sweet M* is trying to ask for more and question us when he thinks something is unfair (happens very often) instead of assuming we love another child more. As he does this and learns the reasons behind something we do he feels more secure. He is learning to trust that we truly look out for him and we truly do love him as much as the other three children.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiugQFBN_q2GLcpt76tIePeh8mJZfHDqfnt-UT8-wX7hgLEiO8PdOsWSJNgBhLJhae9AuLb9CP6arxMQ9bG5XSA6tJqLmKgLfYI2PLO_lQwYVXUM2efMfl_Opyo72ZGBIDfa9rZbMl5q-8/s1600/Easter7.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiugQFBN_q2GLcpt76tIePeh8mJZfHDqfnt-UT8-wX7hgLEiO8PdOsWSJNgBhLJhae9AuLb9CP6arxMQ9bG5XSA6tJqLmKgLfYI2PLO_lQwYVXUM2efMfl_Opyo72ZGBIDfa9rZbMl5q-8/s320/Easter7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730517022329683154" border="0" /></a>This brings me to another point. Adoption is hard when there are birth siblings. When M* came home we thought he was close in age with Belle. However, we quickly learned he was quite a bit older than what we had previously believed (stunted by malnourishment) and as he began to tower over her the competition between him and his older brother began. If you can grow past one sibling you must be able to grow past them all- No? So, to say he has had a rough adjustment to finding his spot between them is an understatement.<br /><br />I look back constantly and think how much easier things would have been if we had only adopted a child when the other three were older. Or if we had adopted a baby so we would not have disturbed birth order. But, the fact is we are a family and right or wrong we have to make this work. As we adjust and grow together we are all finding our place... and we are all seeing that this was the right choice for us... that there are reasons we truly did belong together. We help by pointing out unique talents that each child has. We focus on our differences... and we also focus on things that are similar between all of us- behaviors, characteristics, likes and dislikes etc... This helps Sweet M* identify with the fact that even though my other kids were born in this family does not mean that everything we do and like are the same. I know this helps him. And, all four can always agree that they ALL LOVE TO BE SILLY!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipy48d6oUA0E-m740_1LK7fHtSPZkuy8fAkleHbVCdTyoat2mAZ227lUAhQPR7tnL0DTH-9nNxYkQd_oWBk6jNkNtroiRLhPJg5l9nKUdPqXjrYYN6nrWOvIeH0GhAGn9_k6Skq5eAy_E/s1600/Easter8.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipy48d6oUA0E-m740_1LK7fHtSPZkuy8fAkleHbVCdTyoat2mAZ227lUAhQPR7tnL0DTH-9nNxYkQd_oWBk6jNkNtroiRLhPJg5l9nKUdPqXjrYYN6nrWOvIeH0GhAGn9_k6Skq5eAy_E/s320/Easter8.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730517033153067602" border="0" /></a>Whew... this is getting a little longer than I anticipated. But, basics are this: if you are staring at your adopted child SCARED TO DEATH bc you don't know if you can make it through some of those challenging beginnings TAKE A BREATH. I needed hope and there were VERY FEW out there that could tell me it could get better. BUT IT CAN. You and your child (and your entire family) can get through this. You will grow to LOVE... to UNDERSTAND the behaviors and life will turn out as you once dreamed... and happiness will be restored. Just hang in there!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifKRMQsOVeWsmzwlXqC2doaXbc6yANCQXW6R1mnWOmBqnl_ip6n56Q_VrUDdpEhTTkj1P_DmHXgGVQG2ktLyb2egd2KAbvHajGnPLyNQv_whn3RHyysB0Hx7zNZZn-Ysfbg8BsDM0knQM/s1600/Easter9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifKRMQsOVeWsmzwlXqC2doaXbc6yANCQXW6R1mnWOmBqnl_ip6n56Q_VrUDdpEhTTkj1P_DmHXgGVQG2ktLyb2egd2KAbvHajGnPLyNQv_whn3RHyysB0Hx7zNZZn-Ysfbg8BsDM0knQM/s320/Easter9.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5730517042274586386" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-70631888082855107392011-10-02T20:11:00.000-07:002011-10-02T20:24:05.104-07:00Why Does it Have to Be SO Hard?This weekend STUNK! Things were going good until dinner out on Friday night. It had been a good week and we wanted to go have fun with the kids. I am not sure what happened but as soon as we entered the restaurant Sweet M* was OFF. He pulled away when I tried to bring him close, he was extra hyper and sensitive and he was in the mood where he truly believes EVERYONE is out to get him or is against him. I tried with all my might and we got through dinner, but hubby took the boys to the restroom and I think he got mad at M*. In our world that means you are asking for it. And, "it" is what we got. <br /><br />I tried to draw him in and even though we had to leave and did not go to the mall playground as the kids were hoping (do to M* bawling) we still drove the kids to sonic and got them some slushies. We tried to snuggle up for a low key movie night but M* couldn't handle it. He ended up having to go to bed early.<br /><br />Saturday came around and I could tell hubby was spent. FYI: This was our weekend off but it was my mom's birthday so I decided to keep Sweet M* and switch with my mom for next weekend. I don't think it was a wise choice. It sounds crazy I am sure but I know that part of our recent success has been bc we get a break. And, I think the break helps Sweet M* a ton too. He gets my parents undivided attention. They go to the beach or community pool, play, laugh and most importantly my parents remind M* about how lucky he is to have such great parents and about how much we love him. He comes home renewed and refreshed and it is FANTASTIC!!! Oh, it also really helps hubby and I with the guilt we have for the other three. They put up with A LOT and they are so good to M* that it feels nice to be able to give them the attention that we desperately always want to but can't bc we are too busy trying to help M* heal.<br /><br />Back to Saturday. I knew hubby was exhausted and annoyed so I tried to help. I tried continually to draw Sweet M* close and love on him. To look deep into his eyes... I tried the chin touch. I tried holding him as he screamed and cried and I did so without ever loosing my patience. But, hubby decided it was enough. He came in and he actually helped M* out of his mood. M* does not push hubby like he pushes me. So, hubby talked to M* and for the rest of the weekend we kept very tight boundaries. We controlled every situation and hubby still poured on the love... BUT I had to back off. I don't get why this works but it does. And, although hubby and I are exhausted after this weekend... I think we still did a kick butt job. We did not lose our temper and we kept trying to connect. I don't think we are completely out of the woods. M* is still a little off but hopefully we will get him back in a few days.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-43289898287345310832011-09-29T15:49:00.001-07:002011-09-29T15:59:48.261-07:00Same old... same old!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF734L7m9go-DqknliSPwo8Lby05JS7UfOG-LC-uYzd1OEcxPuJSWlCQP2RI3NOzXyWGN-gujgLMvj8dLeHJWITv5gQBkQ_x0kwS-yktkMXzHOZJc0YKKkRcMFx27qaOBgneq4Hfh-SUU/s1600/1"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF734L7m9go-DqknliSPwo8Lby05JS7UfOG-LC-uYzd1OEcxPuJSWlCQP2RI3NOzXyWGN-gujgLMvj8dLeHJWITv5gQBkQ_x0kwS-yktkMXzHOZJc0YKKkRcMFx27qaOBgneq4Hfh-SUU/s320/1" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5657919901075833538" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF734L7m9go-DqknliSPwo8Lby05JS7UfOG-LC-uYzd1OEcxPuJSWlCQP2RI3NOzXyWGN-gujgLMvj8dLeHJWITv5gQBkQ_x0kwS-yktkMXzHOZJc0YKKkRcMFx27qaOBgneq4Hfh-SUU/s1600/1"><br /></a>So, looks like we are in a new routine and it is MUCH better than our old one thank goodness. Yes, we still have tantrums but they are caused by triggers and I see them coming a mile away. By drawing Sweet M* in and sitting next to him or holding him (like a baby) it seems like I am able to go through the emotions with him and bring him back to calm.<br /><br />The neatest part is there are real signs of growth. Sweet M* now gives me spontaneous hugs for no reason. He has (on several occasions) been able to get in trouble like the other kids without getting stuck in a negative mode... you know for little things. Just a warning used to send him into crazy land.<br /><br />And, a few days ago he went to his very first dentist appointment and he had to go with the dentist by himself. I sat in the waiting room. He did amazing!!! He had no cavities and he did everything they asked. I was most proud of him when he walked out and said, "Mom, guess what I knew that you would be here for me when I was done." No one else in that room knew why I had tears in my eyes... but that was the FIRST time I think he has ever trusted me to be there for him. The picture above was from that appointment :)<br /><br />These are good days!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-27030460239228442632011-09-26T15:57:00.000-07:002011-09-26T16:13:15.037-07:00Mirroring Emotions and Fast Food RulesFriday night was nice. Sweet M* had a little trouble playing but hubby was able to draw him in and calm him down and he finished the night really well. <br /><br />Saturday was very pleasant and that included me dragging Sweet M* and Belle to a baby shower where they were the only kiddos there and to Belle's Nutcracker practice. So, win for me. Actually, total win because hubby and the big boys went to a baseball game so I had the littles with me all day and through bed with no incidences :)<br /><br />Sunday was okay. The boys were in moods and were constantly bickering with each other. It was hard. But, it was normal sibling stuff so I was glad that Sweet M* was able to be talked to just like the other boys without sending him into a fit. Sunday night we went to church and all the kids did really well. Sweet M* really impressed me because the service is about an hour and a half long and it is hard to sit that long when your little. Sunday night however, the emotions ran too high. After church we went to my parents for a family dinner. It was a little later than we normally eat and it was 45 minutes past Sweet M*'s bedtime and he just couldn't take it anymore. He was engulfed in complete sadness at any little thing that did not go his way. We collected the kids and went home. I was able to draw him close and put him to bed, but I didn't feel like the mood was completely gone.<br /><br />Today is Monday and the morning was off. Sweet M* was not following his normal morning rules. He was testing me in little ways. And, he tried reaching out to his brothers but they were annoyed from the night before and did not play with him. That is HARD. I get it... I know Sweet M* is a lot for the other kids. But, when he reaches out it is heart breaking to watch him get rejected. On the way to my mom's I just knew he was not doing well. I dropped him off and he didn't want a kiss or hug. He didn't ask to run and wave on the sidewalk as I drove away like he does every other day. I was sad.<br /><br />But, I picked him up from school and he had earned two day tickets. I think he used his friends and school to escape his hard morning. He excitedly screamed good bye to EVERY friend he could see. Got in the car and it began. First the constant jabber, then if I tried to re-direct he acted like I was against him. He was crazy hyper when we got home and then he lost it when I tried to lay him down for a nap. He SCREAMED piercing screams and when I tried to hold him he kicked and tried to bite me. I held him and lovingly looked into his eyes. I reminded him that I loved him and no matter what he did it would not change the fact that I loved him. But, this fit lasted about an hour and it was exhausting. I did keep my cool the entire time (YAY! ME!). But, what really helped was towards the end I started mirroring his wimpers and cries... I tried to empathize the way you do with an infant. His screams mellowed out. <br /><br />He started talking while he was crying about why he was upset, nonsense excuses for those big emotions really, but I repeated each one back to him in his same tone. I had learned this from the Harvey Karp books when my other kids were toddlers. It is called the fast food rule. Just like the drive through repeats your order YOU REPEAT YOUR KIDS WORDS. It totally worked. He slowly came back. Apologized and snuggled with me for a few minutes. Than he laid down for nap.<br /><br />So, I am going to try and remember these for the next big meltdown. Maybe I can cut off the length of the next one by 15 or so minutes??Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-71854949470808294402011-09-23T15:54:00.000-07:002011-09-23T16:04:22.286-07:00Having Fun this Friday Night!!Thursday night ended well... and that was even with hubby gone all day on a business trip. I was even able to put Sweet M* to bed myself without any hassle. I do think the melatonin and the patch are really helping.<br /><br />Today is Friday and it was a day that included a lot of changes in the normal schedule bc M*'s school was out but the big boys were still in. I had to work and M* went to my mom's with Belle. I was worried bc sometimes with that much change we are asking for a meltdown. But, to my surprise he had a great day.<br /><br />It is very interesting but I feel like there is a bottom to his emotions. Before there wasn't. Any little upset could tailspin into a major raging violent fit. We have had ZERO violence except for with the sitter which I believe we could have avoided if she was better prepared.<br /><br />So, tonight we have company and I am in a great mood. I have no doubt that it will be a Fun Friday night!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7008485039747122373.post-13793170541450476212011-09-22T11:58:00.000-07:002011-09-22T12:07:25.070-07:00No Fear!Tuesday's event really shook me up. I had a hard time sleeping and Wednesday morning I felt so stressed. But, I talked to a good friend who reminded me that Tuesday was caused by a trigger. I could have prevented it and will next time. And, that if Sweet M* really wanted to hurt the others he would have. It is getting rid of the fear that helps me. Realizing that I am in control of the situation. I just have to remember that even though my sweet boy looks so normal he can get scared and go into survival mode at any time if there is a trigger.<br /><br />This occasion was caused by hubby and I being gone at bed time and bc we had not properly trained the sitter on what to do "if" he were to go into that state. My plan is I am going to teach her that Sweet M*'s scared and nervous looks like extreme hyper and silliness followed by complete disobedience. I will let her know that he will only get worse unless she brings him in confronts the emotion by verbalizing it for him and then sits with him until he comes back to his normal state (most likely after some crying). She will be prepared next time... as will any other sitter in the future.<br /><br />It is so sad that M* still gets that scared of us leaving and not coming back. His fear of abandonment is so raw and real. I hope and pray that someday he will realize how much we love him.<br /><br />To get back to Wed. though he had a great day. He must have tried so hard at school because he came home with two good day tickets. That means he was not talked to even once and he went above and beyond. I think he was trying to make up for the night before ;) He was a little sad all day. He knew he upset us and I think he was trying the woes me card. But, he had good behavior all night and went to bed just fine. Today is Thursday and so far so good :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2