Ethiopia (Homecoming)

The Last Day

Leaving Ethiopia was bittersweet. I truly did enjoy my time there and I knew it would be awhile before we would be able to get back. But, at the same time I was SO ready to get home to Cuddlebear and Belle and the comforts of home. It was also scary because I knew the plane rides were not going to be easy. Turns out I was right.

M* had a major meltdown in the airport when we were trying to get through customs. I was actually nervous that they might not let us through. Thankfully we did and we soon found ourselves walking around the terminal. Our first flight went well and M* slept the entire flight. We arrived in Dubai and I was excited bc Emirates had comped a room for us for the long layover. I knew it was only a few hours but I figured we could shower and sleep.

Unfortunately, Dubai was really scary for M*. I think this was the peak of his tantrums. We got on the shuttle from the airport to the hotel and it was pretty full, and the poor thing just couldn't handle it. He screamed, and crawled onto the ground and held on to the seats so tightly that I couldn't even remove him. Everyone was staring of course and most were upset because he was screaming so loud. There were a few other adoptive families actually on the shuttle coming home with their Ethiopian children. You think this would have given me comfort, but watching them with their quiet children only made me feel worse.

The hotel wasn't any better. Sweet M* was wide awake so we took turns trying to entertain him for the 3-4 hours we had there. But, he was angry and hyper and it was difficult to find anything that would hold his attention. It was so exhausting. By this point I started feeling really bad for Captain Crazy. He was crying because he was so tired and needed sleep, but couldn't because of the noise. ugh... it was rough. It was about 2am Dubai time and Sweet M*'s screaming was so loud that a women actually came and knocked on my door and wanted to know what was going on bc she was scared that a child was being hurt. My heart sank and I felt like someone punched me in the gut as I opened the door to show her it was just my poor son having a hard time as a newly adopted child. This was the lowest point for me for sure.

The plane ride from Dubai home was lengthy and M* only slept for maybe 2 hours the whole time- and not consecutively. I literally had to hang out in the bathrooms with noise canceling headphones so the crying wasn't so loud for the other passengers. Passengers were coming downstairs from first class complaining, flight attendants and people on the flight were offering all sorts of help- we took all of them up on it- but nothing worked. Eventually, that plane landed safely.

I can't even explain what a wonderful feeling it was to be on the ground again. To be walking off that plane knowing that my kids were outside the gates waiting for me and that in a few hours I would be home. WE MADE IT!!!

Ethiopia (taking custody)

Custody

(The moment we took custody)

(First Bath)

(Getting used to having another little brother)

The day after we returned from Awassa our agency brought our children to the Guest House. All of us parents were excited and we paced and waited for the van to pull in... yet not far from our minds was how difficult this moment must be for our kids. I think Sweet M* had the hardest time out of our travel groups children. His heart was racing when they put him in my arms and he even tried to run out the gates of the Guest House bc he was just so nervous. It was the hyper/ excited/ nervous so he was smiling, but he just wasn't himself. We took him upstairs and gave him a bath which he loved. We were shocked that he could wash his entire little body all by himself with a bar of soap. He would even scrub his face with the soap and then dump the water right into his eyes. It really makes you wonder who or how he was able to bath in the orphanage and with his birth family. He was pretty proud of himself after the bath and some new clothes and he continued to bath about 3 times a day for the remaining days.

But, what also came with the nervous/ excited/ scared little boy that I had was tantrums. I was expecting tantrums, but I had read more about them with kids from Russian orphanages and I hadn't seen much about it on Ethiopian Adoption blogs. I don't know that I was ready for the blood curdling/ inconsolable crying (screaming) that was going to occur. From the moment we took custody anytime we had to give direction Sweet M* would go into a full blown tantrum. He wouldn't hit or bite (yet) he would just scream and cry. It was so loud the maids and guards would come to see what was going on. I felt awful. Walks outside would help him calm down, but at the time I just couldn't do it. Taking him into the streets as a white person in Ethiopia while he was kicking and screaming was just too much for me- I was scared we would ruin international adoption for anyone behind us. So, I would allow the maids and guards to help console him. At first they could, but as the days went on and people just kept giving in to his fits he got worse and even the guards and maids would give up trying to get him out of his raging fit.

The last day there I decided that I was not going to let the others help and if he needed to cry bc I had to give him a direction so he did not hurt himself that was okay. His tantrums started to slow down and get a little better. And, he would calm down after he came out of a fit which I noted as progress. But, I was really having a hard time and I was exhausted.

The one thing that really helped me was Nancy Thomas' "Taming the Tiger" program. They have a yahoo group that was my savior while I was in Ethiopia. I just needed to hear that others had been in my situation and that they and their children got better. They told me that they did and now I can say that we are making it to. But, I'll catch you up soon on our more recent progress.

I have paused, erased, re-wrote and re-thought typing this information, but I want to be REAL. I was scared in Ethiopia. I was worried that I wasn't capable of handling my son and it was hard to see it getting any better. And, yes I read a ton of books and researched toddler adoption- BUT it is different reading it and experiencing it. I want those behind me to understand and be able to be prepared for this part of the process. And, I hope you find this information helpful.

Ethiopia (Orphanage & Birth Family Meeting)

I want to back track a minute bc I wanted to do a separate post on our orphanage/ birth family visit.

So, while we were in Awassa we visited Ajuuja (M*'s original orphanage). I was amazed and thankful when the gates opened into a bright and clean courtyard. I was beyond impressed with the care the children were receiving and with the owners of the orphanage themselves. They were such kind people who genuinely LOVED each child that was or had been there.

The children were separated by age, and they took us to visit each age group. I remember being surprised at the children because they were all so much healthier and happier than I would have imagined. The owners also took us to meet our child's nanny (the one that is on day staff), visit the bed they slept in and answer any questions. They had a beautiful coffee ceremony for us and they talked about the orphanage and their mission. After the coffee ceremony was when the nerves really started to kick in because we all knew the next step was the birth family meeting.

We feel so blessed that we were given the opportunity to meet Sweet M*'s birth father (Aba in Sidamese). The meeting was hard, uncomfortable, gut wrenching, heart breaking and joyous all at once. It was one of those moments where well... I guess you would say it was an out of body experience. I am so thankful for the little bits of information we learned and more importantly for the video and pictures we have to share with Shea. I know they will mean a lot of different things to him through out his life.

Something I did not know I would gain was the feeling of peace. After meeting with M*'s Aba I knew this decision was a last resort and I really felt like our whole process was ethical which I always worried about before. It is hard to be wrapped up in this thing called "international adoption". Like everything in life there are very bad things that can and really do happen. It is not something we as adoptive parents can turn our heads on and just forget about. And, it is also our job to educate those around us about the positives that come out of international adoption. That not every story is a bad one like the media likes to convey. That is a heavy burden that I am still trying to wade through and figure out. I would love to say that I have a quick answer and a witty response to the comments we receive... but truth is I don't.

Ethiopia (Final Days)

Final Days in Ethiopia

(Images from the car on the way home)

(Small set of shops close to Addis)

(There were tons of houses like this)

(In a village in between towns where women & girls would walk to get clean water)

(One of the many animals that would be cruisin' in the middle of the road)

(Mike at Dreamland's Restaurant in front of a big lake)

(Our travel buddies and a WACAP staff person... we all excited about cheeseburgers)

(Captain was excited about Miranda- Can you tell the kid isn't allowed to drink soda at home)

Our last days in Ethiopia are a little bit of a blur. Coming home from Awassa was nice. The driver went a lot slower so we were able to enjoy the drive heart attack free ;) We did have one scary incident. One of our travel buddies was taking pictures as we were driving through a town and she accidentally took one of a security or police man? He made the driver stop and with his rifle in hand he opened the door and demanded the camera. Luckily, he they were to show him that they were able to erase it. Lesson learned.

Driving past all of the mud huts and people gathering water was hard. It just doesn't seem real even though its right in front of you. I really wanted to be able to do more... and I felt helpless just staring through the car window. I really believe that all of us adoptive parents owe it to our children to visit their birth country. There is no way I would be able to have such a profound respect for Ethiopia without being there. The people are so kind they just really touch your heart. And, when you return home you just want to figure out how you are going to do more to help them. And, yet at the same time you realize how much they have helped you. I feel like my outlook on life has forever changed for the better after spending time with people who have so much joy and so little money.

Ethiopia (The Drive to Awassa)

Awassa Trip- Views from the Drive

On the 5th and 6th days in Ethiopia we drove down to Awassa which is where Sweet M*'s original orphanage was located. The drive was about 5-6 hours and although it was mostly paved it was one of the scariest moments we had in Ethiopia. The driver was driving too fast in our opinion and dodging animals in the road, donkey trains, bulls in the road, kids and people walking right in front of the car, etc... And, the way they dodge traffic is they get into the opposing lanes traffic... but sometimes the traffic in the opposing lane is so close we had to just close our eyes.

As frightening as that drive was the images we were able to see on the way down were amazing. I wrote in my journal, "... the drive was filled with so many emotions. There was beautiful scenery, children walking to and from school, kids playing soccer in big open fields, and mothers and sisters carrying babies on their backs. But, these images were right beside naked toddlers, kids scooping up and drinking dirty brown water, and young boys plowing fields. It is so hard to digest it all." I tried to post a variety of pictures, but they don't do justice to just how beautiful and sad it all was. Oh, and can you believe how green it was in some spots? They actually had miles and miles of green houses and we were told they export flowers all over the world. The views were ever changing though and some spots were so dry and had large termite mounds sticking up from the ground.

At times I would look out the window and think we had gone back in time. Seeing people living in the conditions that they are in Ethiopia... mud huts, thatched roofs, plowing fields with an ox and a wooden plow and living literally off the land just seemed so historic. It definitely made me grateful for every little thing I take for granted every day like clean running water, plumbing, electricity, grocery stores, infrastructure etc...

Ethiopia Days 3 & 4

Ethiopia Days 3 & 4

(Hubby and Captain in front of the Guest House Door)

(Good Bye Coffee Ceremony at the WACAP House)

(Learning how to blow bubbles)

(He felt so cool in mom's glasses)

(Laughing with mom- a first)

(Daddy and Sweet M*- he loved it on Daddy's shoulders)

(Out with the Travel Group at the Cultural Dinner)

(Lots of Yummy Ethiopian Food)

(Traditional Ethiopian Dancing)

(Captain slept through the WHOLE thing... dancing, loud music, horn and all)

We mainly just hung out at the WACAP house on our 3rd and 4th days in Ethiopia. Sweet M* learned how to blow bubbles and he would go to Captain when he needed help. He would also allow Hubby or I to console him when he got upset and it was the first time he was actually sad when we had to leave. That made it really hard to drive away and I felt like I really needed to take custody at that point. But, we still had our big trip to Awassa to visit his original orphanage, so I had no choice but to leave him.

On one of the evenings we went out to the Cultural Dinner and Dancing. I think that was one of my favorite moments in Ethiopia. The food was delicious and we were able to see some of the coolest dancing ever. They can jump, shake and do some things that don't seem humanly possible (or at least without breaking your shoulder or neck)... but anyway it was really fun. Captain was so tired though that he slept right after he ate. It was so loud inside the restaurant, but he slept like a baby.

I noted in my journal how safe I felt in Ethiopia, and I wanted to make sure I mentioned it so any families learning about the process or in process reading my blog. I know when we began the process to adopt we were nervous about the travel, and I imagine others behind me may have the same sort of feelings. I cannot say it enough... I am SO glad we decided to both travel and bring Captain. The people are so nice in Ethiopia, and they were always willing to go out of their way to help us wherever we went. Yes there is poverty, yes there are people sleeping on the streets. But, I honestly felt much safer walking the streets in Addis than I do in LA or New York. I would encourage anyone in process that may be nervous to be BRAVE. You will not regret your experience In Ethiopia.

Ethiopia Day 2

Our 2nd Day in Ethiopia

(Captain and I on the street outside the Guest House)

(Yes more soda... oh well.)

(Traditional Hand Washing before a Meal)

(Injera, Tibs and Shiro = YUM!)

(The Super Star Kick... inside the transition house gates)

(Getting to know each other)

(Mom loves the cuddle time)

(Dad's Turn)

(He thought the Rocket Balloons were Hilarious)

(These two were buddies right away- they are still very close)

(Images of the city on the way back to the Guest House)

The second day in Ethiopia was fantastic. We woke up to birds chirping and freshly made avocado juice. Ha! But, really the juice was pretty good once you add the lime slice like they tell you to. After breakfast we were taken to the Ethiopian Cultural Museum which I loved!!! We hired a guide to take us through and I was so thankful we did bc I loved listening to all of the history behind each piece. The museum is very different than at home bc everything is just right there within arms length. It was amazing to see all of the artifacts and learn some history. Lucy was on display in the U.S. so we just saw the replicas, but I didn't care. After the museum we ate lunch at a traditional Ethiopian restaurant. It was delicious. Hubby and I decided that our restaurants should start to offer the hand washing it just felt so good to have freshly washed hands at the table... okay my hands are normally clean before I eat that just sounded bad. But, for whatever reason it just feels better the way they do it ;)

After our meal we were taken back to the WACAP House. On our second meeting we witnessed Sweet M* speaking his language and we were able to hold him close a few times. It felt so good to really hold him close finally, but it is hard to explain exactly what it felt like bc we just didn't really know each other yet. This visit was really long which was great, but I remember being really ready to take custody (so I thought) bc it was just difficult to hang out for so long with out comforts of drinks or snacks etc... Especially for Captain. By the time we arrived back at the Guest House we were very tired and hungry. We grabbed some Italian food from the restaurant down the street and then stopped by the internet cafe to call Cuddlebear and Belle. It felt SO GOOD to finally talk to them again. It was so easy to communicate when we were in Dubai and this was the first time we were able to talk to them since we had arrived in Ethiopia and it was much needed. They were doing fine.. but it was me that really needed to hear their voices and know that they really were okay.